Adopt a Grandfriend
Meet Mildred
Get to know Mildred before you make the commitment of a lifetime (or at least a monthly subscription).
Mildred Fontaine
82 years old
📍 Harmony Hills Care Home, Nashville, TN
Monthly sponsorship
$30/month
📋 About Mildred
Mildred was a legendary home cook whose biscuits once won a three-county fair and she has the ribbon to prove it, framed, in her room. She is currently knitting what she describes as 'a very ambitious sweater' that has been in progress since 2019.
Mildred's Story
The following is a transcript of Mildred telling their story in their own words.
“The secret to my biscuits is... well I'm not gonna tell you the secret, but I will say it involves cold butter and a prayer. Now Mr. Whiskers, God rest his soul, he used to sit on the counter while I baked and one time he knocked the flour right into my — actually, that's not important. What IS important is what happened at bingo last Thursday. I won't say what happened. But I will say this: Dolores knows what she did. And the bingo caller saw it too. I have witnesses. I'm not saying anything else about it. But I COULD.”
— Mildred, 82 years old
💬 What Mildred Says About Having a Sponsor
“I used my sponsorship to commission a portrait of my cat Mr. Whiskers who passed in 1987. He would have wanted this. The portrait hangs next to my biscuit ribbon. They belong together.”
🧡 Adopt Mildred
⚠️ Liability Agreement & Assumption of Risk
By adopting Mildred, you acknowledge and accept full personal liability for any and all damages, disruptions, or consequences that Mildred may bring about to their environment as a result of this adoption. This includes, but is not limited to:
- • Property damage from competitive board game incidents
- • Emotional distress caused to other residents via superior bingo performance
- • Unsanctioned facility redecorating or furniture rearrangement
- • Excessive storytelling leading to missed meal times
- • Thermostat-related conflicts
- • Any and all feuds, rivalries, or "incidents" that Mildred may instigate
- • Mysterious disappearance of communal pudding cups
Adopt-A-Grandfriend, its affiliates, partners, and the nursing facility assume absolutely no responsibility for the actions, opinions, competitive behavior, or general shenanigans of adopted grandfriends. You adopt at your own risk.
⚠️ Important Notice: Adopt-A-Grandfriend is a sponsorship program. By participating, you acknowledge full liability for any and all damages your adopted grandfriend may bring about to their environment. This includes, without limitation, interpersonal disputes, competitive game-related incidents, unauthorized craft projects, and strongly worded opinions about the weather. We love our grandfriends, but we cannot be held responsible for them.