Adopt a Grandfriend
Meet Agnes
Get to know Agnes before you make the commitment of a lifetime (or at least a monthly subscription).
Agnes Kowalczyk
81 years old
📍 Riverside Nursing Home, Minneapolis, MN
Monthly sponsorship
$35/month
📋 About Agnes
Agnes immigrated from Poland at 22 with nothing but a suitcase and a recipe for pierogi that she refuses to write down for anyone. She is the undisputed Wheel of Fortune champion of Riverside and takes no prisoners.
Agnes's Story
The following is a transcript of Agnes telling their story in their own words.
“When I came to America in 1965, I had one suitcase and my babcia's pierogi recipe right here in my head. No, I will not tell you what's in it. My own daughter doesn't know. I will take it to my GRAVE. Anyway, the secret is... no. No! I almost told you. You're tricky. Let me tell you about Wheel of Fortune instead. I have a system. I always guess R-S-T-L-N-E first, and then I read the vibrations of the board. It's classified. The government would be very interested in my method. Pat Sajak winks at me through the television and I wink back. We have an arrangement.”
— Agnes, 81 years old
💬 What Agnes Says About Having a Sponsor
“I've built a birdhouse empire with my sponsorship support. Forty-seven birdhouses. The birds respect me now. My daughter says that's too many birdhouses but she doesn't understand the economics of bird real estate.”
🧡 Adopt Agnes
⚠️ Liability Agreement & Assumption of Risk
By adopting Agnes, you acknowledge and accept full personal liability for any and all damages, disruptions, or consequences that Agnes may bring about to their environment as a result of this adoption. This includes, but is not limited to:
- • Property damage from competitive board game incidents
- • Emotional distress caused to other residents via superior bingo performance
- • Unsanctioned facility redecorating or furniture rearrangement
- • Excessive storytelling leading to missed meal times
- • Thermostat-related conflicts
- • Any and all feuds, rivalries, or "incidents" that Agnes may instigate
- • Mysterious disappearance of communal pudding cups
Adopt-A-Grandfriend, its affiliates, partners, and the nursing facility assume absolutely no responsibility for the actions, opinions, competitive behavior, or general shenanigans of adopted grandfriends. You adopt at your own risk.
⚠️ Important Notice: Adopt-A-Grandfriend is a sponsorship program. By participating, you acknowledge full liability for any and all damages your adopted grandfriend may bring about to their environment. This includes, without limitation, interpersonal disputes, competitive game-related incidents, unauthorized craft projects, and strongly worded opinions about the weather. We love our grandfriends, but we cannot be held responsible for them.